With Captain Scowl away on touring duty Treacle has taken up the slot of guest journalist for this weeks foray into the snow and icy stares of the indoor league. The action started long before even arriving at the venue with Captain Morgan having taken up the mantle of team organisation in 2009. Talk abound at the game that Shorter couldn’t ‘let go’ and was even texting details of the game from his sun-bed in Cape Town; Captain Morgan informed to rally the troops and make sure that we turned up even if the other team didn’t in order we get awarded the points (who said we weren’t competitive or more likely graciously take the points if they were on offer?)
Treacle was presented with the unusual pleasantry of New Year wishes from a certain Cian Evans at 9.30am on the day of the match with the usual (badly disguised) request of a lift from Goldsborough both to and from the venue. Treacle duly obliged with the offer of a lift home but not a lift there. When questioned by Evans as to whether he was going straight from work the text reply was a resounding yes…. This wasn’t the first time that Evans had turned Treacle down after making such a reply (there was never one there etc…. Murray). Cummings commenting that the arrangement should have been made for a pick up at the Knaresborough roundabout and Big Dog confirming that it would have been hilarious to have then completely forgetting that such a meeting had been made.
As it was a very able replacement in the shape of Russ’s(Staveley CC and Durham University) mate Rich was found who was duly handed the wicket keeping gloves (never kept wicket in his life – more of that later) and the spectre of batting and running between the wickets with Treacle having never played the indoor format before. Other points to note before the game even started as follows.
- Notable absentees – Janet(assumed watching re-runs of the darts on Sky)
- Chemical(assumed lost at an over running New Years eve party dressed as Marilyn Monroe on acid)
- Far too many parking spaces available on the street to choose from.
- Cummings having unleashed the blockage of 2009 and having in fact gone the other way in 2010.
- Cockle playing the complete game in navy blue pyjama top and bottoms.
- Three Captains – Morgan(logistics and tossing), Cockle(tactics and technical), Cummings(zero input, batting, bowling and throwing)
The toss was duly lost and we were put into bat by the opposition Olicanians who looked like a reasonably fit bunch of young lads who would have graced the legendary Berlin Snax club wet room.. alas it proved that the indoor league pays athletic physique little respect. Treacle going out to bowl when the other five members of GCC were padded up and asking what we were doing (issue of Bankers intelligence to be raised at Alastair Darlings next Treasury Select Committee); Treacle duly dispatched to square leg umpiring duty.
And so the game began! With a steady if uninspiring start Cockle and Cummings (considerably looser of leg than last season) both made 20 and retired – Cockle Nurdled and Cummings smashed sixes over square leg for one. Captain Morgan then appeared at number three (presumably using the position of logistics to his own advantage in a Shorter-esque fashion). Morgan having the uncanny knack of hitting 18 balls in a row out of the splice of the bat missing the side or back wall with all 18! Robshaw then entered the fray.. 6 6 1 1 1 run out.
With wickets in hand but a slowing scoreboard Treacle hit the crease and with usual aplomb managed to wear two of his first three on the front foot directly in line with middle.. as in previous seasons adjudged to be going ‘just down leg’. Morgan then ran himself out after a suicidal call of yes and Treacle refusing to cross, making up for matches gone by and new boy Rich joining the fray. After a few choice bits of advice from Treacle at over end (Sell the EUR and buy Oil futures) the game petered out with Rich 11 not out and Treacle 10 not out, with everyone having contributed to a total of 95.
It has to be said that the ‘Snax Club Six’ bowling was a mixture of Tripe and Onions with the odd quicker one thrown in, with little pressure put on by the batting side it was difficult to tell if they could field or not – a decidedly pedestrian 10 overs in hindsight.
Captain Cummings then passed the gloves to new Boy Rich (best part of 16 stone and 6 ft)… ‘the gloves are a bit small but you’ll be reet’. Cummings then threw down some low skidders and superbly ran out their opener with a direct hit, but not before Rich had pulled his ribcage and taken one in the abdomen.. cheers lads. Team GB then ran through the rest of the side with Morgan taking 2 wickets on the spin and Big Dog following up a bouncer with a Yorker to dismiss the other opener. All looked good. At 45-5. In typical GCC fashion we then capitulated with Olicanians needing 20 off the last over and Treacle left to throw down a selection of dippers, donkey drops and dirt… 3 balls left and requiring 9 Treacle threw the only card in his pack the dodgy back of hand leg break – cue drawing the batsman on 61 not out from the crease and debutant keeper Rich doing the business behind the stumps.. cue delirium/trudge off the wicket mildly pleased.
Meanwhile on the other pitch there was a scene from Lahore developing (and we’re not talking Brazilians and paraplegics) with Darul Shafa jumping about like a demented eel at every potential run out, and running around the pitch quicker than he does at 2 in the morning when someone does a runner from the curry house and causing a bit of Argy Bhaji. Meanwhile their 11 year old protégé was being lambasted for not fielding a ball that travelled at 100 miles an hour straight at him at square leg – but as Cummings pointed out “they’ll never learn if they’re not told.”
The usual trip to the bar was then replaced by an evenings entertainment at the drinks machine after YCC had in their infinite wisdom sacked the catering manager and thus no longer hold a license.. as Treacle pointed out they could have done it on a Wednesday. But the fun had watching Cummings displace 20p pieces from the coke machine was frankly more fun.
Morgan made a sharp exit not for the first time (I’m sure he stops somewhere on the way home) and GCC retired to the stands for an hour of bullying and barracking of other sides in the league. Now this was entertaining as ‘the team with numbers on their back, a rotation selection policy and their own umpire’ batted their way through 10 painful overs. ‘Fines’, ‘The one with dodgy sideburns and mo’ , ‘short fat gatt’ and ‘the other one’ played to their usual standard. In walks ’68 Sick note’ and ’42 Andy G(who had just been to Romida Sports and bought one of their new range of helmets with stick on ponytail)’ to bat out the remaining 4 overs. Sick Note played a cr@p innings before being run out in a mid wicket mix up to leave Andy G to bat out the game. And bat out the game he did with some of the worst cross batted rubbish seen in Headingley history but ultimately making about 60 not out. Sick note who was the runner at the other end duly lived up to his billing by apparently pulling a muscle and being replaced by another more nubile runner. The conference between previous over break with Andy G presumably going along the lines of “sick note you are slower than Treacle, don’t make it obvious but after the next ball having not moved more than an inch feign a pulled muscle and we’ll get the 20 year old on to run.”
As Andy G finished off the innings it became apparent that GCC had become victims of Stockholm Syndrome (nice work Dids although as Russ pointed out it is only from his own experience with Rachel that he is aware it exists).
Bare facts GCC – 95 – 2 (Cockle 20 n.o, Cummings 20 n.o, Robshaw 15, Rich 11 n.o, Murray 10 n.o, Morgan 9)
Snax Club Six 86 all out (Bloke 61, extras 15, everyone else fak all).. Morgan 2 for, everyone except cockle 1 for.
And so next week with usual rules applying the same 6 will take on the next opposition hopefully Darul Shafa and the Get Fresh Crew.