The long awaited and slimmed down return of Treacle Murray this week saw the number of players used this season rise to 8, which is still below the seasonal adjusted average for the Autumn league.
Since his last appearance, it turned out that old Gatt had “been doing 60 k’s a week” – Bishop thought this was Euro’s, Shorter thought it was Rand and both were wrong when it was revealed that he had actually been running. It was also revealed that all 60 each week were round the outside of the Goldsborough outfield, which has led to subsidence issues and the requirement for early restoration work on the newly sinking perimeter fencing.
The willing opponents this week were St Chads, not “Saint Chavs” as Cockle erroneously misheard, although one could see his point.
Goldsborough lost the toss and were inserted. What was to follow immediately justified the previous 6 season’s tactics of bowling first at every opportunity. It seemed that the anniversary of the removal of the Berlin Wall desperately needed to be marked, and Goldsborough obliged by collapsing in a heap. East had been reunited with West. Communism reunited with Capitalism. Indeed, Dark had been reunited with Wet.
Shorter was “pinned” with a slower ball bouncer and followed this up shortly after by playing on to his stumps to a wide pie. Cummings middled one off the edge to gully, Morgan Saul was caught off the wall driving and Jackson mistimed one back to the bowler. Amongst the carnage, Cockle had managed to retire and came back in to join the returning Murray at 40-5 with 4 overs remaining.
Murray was able to complete 30 of his requisite 60 weekly k’s during those last 4 overs – sadly though, they were mostly half runs followed by a shout of “no” and a return to his starting point. Persistence paid off though, and the unlikely Murray/Cockle last wicket stand steadied Goldsborough back to 89 at the close. Amongst all of this, the Chad “side show” marched on – grunts in the delivery stride, dubious actions, excessive enthusiasm, and whining at declined LBW shouts – to be fair though, they had mullered us in that half.
Goldsborough bowled pretty well, and took some early run-outs to stay in the hunt up until the last 2 balls, but in the final reckoning had not scored enough runs. St Chads celebrated as if they had just come across some kind of all hours German night club and Goldsborough were left to contemplate dropping off the top of the Tuesday night table. The Wall truly had come crumbling down.
So, it was off to the Wet room, in formal black tie dress, to take advantage of the 2-4-1 drinks offers. St Chads were already well established in the Dark room so the Goldsborough lads strapped themselves to the nearest available seats for a Treacle Murray history lesson in the post-war Iron curtain and the impact on modern day German dance culture. His considerable expertise in these areas will surely put him in good stead for his ECB meeting with the High Commissioner of Karachi next year.
Bare Facts
Goldsborough 89-5
Cockle Retired
1x Slow bouncer
17x LBW shouts
12 grunts
St Chads 90-4 (1 ball remaining)
Some bloke retired
15 fumbled misfields (3 each)